she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I want to fling myself into the sun
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
