Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
