found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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