We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
