Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I did not marry a roomba.
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