You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize