i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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