how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
