Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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