dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you guys were way drunker than both of me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
