The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
