Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
