Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
