If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
