you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
