What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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