The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We don't watch enough power rangers
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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