We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
