census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
