My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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