i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
