i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
