Umm I'm too high to move.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
