I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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