I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
