After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
In other news, I just burned my penis
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize