yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
