We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
