So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
