The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
