Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
