apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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