Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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