God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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