im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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