i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
