wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
