What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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