Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
