How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
