i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize