It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How does it feel to date your dad?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
