Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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