I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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