and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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