so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
