I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
