grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Someone came in the potted fern
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
