I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
