i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
