I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
