it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
