I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize