I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
