whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize