Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
