my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
