I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
