he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
