it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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