Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
BRING THE BAGELS
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
