I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
