I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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