didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
