Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
