She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
