I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
