im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
