you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
