Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
