You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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