I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
