on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
