I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
